First off, I actually opted out of watching Big Love live tonight so that I could watch the circus that is the Josh Duggar wedding.
I am most amazed, not by the walking, long haired uterus of steel, but by the bride to be.
There are two types of people in this world. People who look like sluts on their wedding day (holla), and people who don’t. Not that looking modest and wholesome on your wedding day is bad, but if I was marrying a kid who has probably been on the business end of many a Duggar family birthing video, I’d skank my way down the whole aisle just to show the Duggars there’s a shiny new vagina in town.
Either way, she is a brave girl.
I mean, who wants to spend Christmas sitting around the fire, opening gifts of baby onsies and old tennis shoes, and home perming your hair with your 52 sister in laws?
Secondly…if you were stranded on an island, what three things would you take with you?
Worst fucking question ever.
Why do people ask this shit?
Seriously, I pity anyone who was stranded with me on a deserted island, and the last thing I would want with me is some kind of hot ass celebrity.
I would give myself 14 days until I start to look like that hairy Rupert guy from Survivor.
I mean, no shaving? Seriously, I would be a hot mess. Hairy everything, from my pits to my toes (um yeah, I said toes, and if you say you don’t you’re a fucking liar).
Come period time, I would be a 24 hour pending booty call to every monkey, tiger and wild beast within striking distance. Which would be an especially big problem once the 2 week contacts that I have had in since last July finally decide to give out, leaving me bind as a bat, and an open target.
And, you know in those old timey cartoons, where two guys are stranded on an island, and one starts to picture the other one as a giant turkey?
That would be me. And, it wouldn’t even take that long for me to decide to eat you. That’s how much of a pig I am.
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So I caught a replay this morning at 1 AM of the wedding-well, the last 35 minutes of it. I did come unhinged when the brides father was talking about how the man is basically the boss and the woman will follow his orders and that is the way God planned it and that plan works. WTF?! My Dad’s side is Baptist and when my cousin got married and the minister said “will you promise to be subservient to your husband….” and the husband is my cousin, I also became unhinged. Of course, she really wears the pants in the family, but I almost got out of the pew and left. And the brides father stating that when “God turned water into wine it was really grape juice, and when they danced, well we never really think of that, that never comes into our minds”. Apparently they can adjust the bible to fit their practices, but heaven forbit anyone else do it. Ugh-thank God I’m Lutheran-we are pretty liberal!
I don’t mind if a cartoon turkey appears in a thought bubble over your head if we’re stranded together, but what I will NOT tolerate is a big sloppy drooling tongue slapping around your face as you develop that thought. Are we clear?
What’s the Duggar wedding thingy?
Your hips don’t like is gone =(
I agree about marrying into the Dugger family – it would make for some seriously freaky Christmas mornings. Would they look down on you if you only had 10 kids?
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