In March of 2005, I lost one of my dearest friends. My cooking buddy. My business partner. A girl who stood up for me on my wedding day, and spent the night before stuffed into bed with me as we giggled about weddings and babies and boys.
She was an artist, a singer, and my brother’s fiance.
She died ten days after he asked her to marry him.
My voice still cracks when I say her name.
I still remember the day I had to watch my little brother carry her urn down the aisle of the church.
I remember what he was wearing, I remember the song that was playing when I got into the car to drive to the cemetery, I remember the rain.
It was too sad for even the sun that day.
It took me two days and the snot covered sleeves of three different sweatshirts to get through writing this post.
My Oma, my grandma, my uncle, acquaintances, friends of friends of friends, people I never had the chance to meet face to face.
I mourn them all the same.
I am still not numb to losing someone to cancer.
I still kiss the cheeks of my kids as they sleep, praying for their health and long lives. I scrutinize ever fever, every bump, every ear ache.
It’s a hurt I want to be done feeling. A hurt I want everyone to be done feeling.
I don’t know a single person who isn’t carrying around a story that still makes them cry so hard their insides shake.
So, let’s do that. Let’s be done with this.
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Cancer, boo. Lost my mom too fast for her to fight.
Im willing to bet this was a hard post to write…gross understatement, huh?
But Im also willing to bet you dont know what a hot little number you were at your wedding.
Sorry. Just hoping for a smile.
Endless thanks for helping me keep the spotlight on a rough subject…every dollar donated brings us closer to a cure…we can only rely on research and the goodness in people like you, sweetie.
Jay
):
u made me cry today. and i loved it. and hated it.
My sister and her husband lost his father today. He wa 94 and had a long and wonderful life. Isn’t it curious how our lives play out?
you made me cry…..
this was beautiful. thanks for sharing a part of your heart and soul.
lord, if only i could be the one to take scissors to jay’s head!
Did you read the post from Momisodes yesterday? She had a link to a site of a family that blogged about their 2 year old’s battle with cancer. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. It is awful, and the amount of love and faith that family has is amazing. Absolutely amazing.
We have the St. Judes hospital here in D-town which is a specialty children’s hospital that mostly deals with cancer. Every year the country station does a radio a thon for them. I can not even listen to it on my way to work because my make up ends up all on my pants from my hyseterical bawling. I became a Partner in Hope with them a few years ago, and hope to increase the amount this year.
Oh Cancer- I detest you. You are just plain mean and ugly. So sad for your brother. What a loss. She is beautiful.
Aw hun, i’m so sorry about your friend, today is just a day to post about the pain. It hurts! *HUGS*
there goes any chance of my mascara making until the kids are sleeping.
not getting any from your heart aching post. {insert something supportive here. still working on improving on that part. not good with support things.}
Thanks for that post. It’s nice to be grounded by the reminder of things that really matter in life, focusing on the battles we really need to wage other than the petty ones we choose daily to let overwhelm us. I appreciate that!
You made me cry, too. Cancer sucks. Period.
I just finished a little MeMe that asked me if I had superpowers, what would they be? My answer: Cancer Ass Kicker.
the ugliest word in the english language for sure.
Jay's awesome
Cancer is not >:-(
I love that you ended a cancer post talking about revenge scat. That's fantastic.
Nothing witty or clever to say–just, I’m so sorry:)
I’m so sorry for your loss. The pain never goes away … lessens maybe, but never goes away.
I was one of the few women on the planet to be blessed with a wonderful, supportive, friendly, loving, amazing mother-in-law. And 3 1/2 years ago I lost her to cancer. I still miss her, I think I always will. She was such a pleasure to have around, such a great person to share things with, that every time I want to share something, good or bad, I miss her.
But I’m thankful for having had her in my life. Because as sad as it is to have lose her, it would have been sadder not to have known her at all.
I was, like, really tearing up at the story. And then you said revenge scat and made me feel all kinds of UnHoly for laughing after such a sweet moment. It’s true. you are completely irreverant.
I am sorry, if you are like me you will never truly get over it. I still mourn my dad and miss him every day!
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I just loss a dear, old friend last sunday. He battled lung cancer for 7 months!
It’s so hard to leave a comment on posts that are so heart-wrenching. I want to say something meaningful, something epic that will take away the pain of loss.
Unfortunately, I have none of those things. But I’m thinking of you. And your family and the woman you gave tribute to here. Know that.
Wouldn’t it be awesome if no one ever had to write another post about cancer? I hope that happens one day, until then I’ll keep praying, and supporting.
It’s my biggest fear. The picture of you and your girl is adorable. I hope you find some peace.
It’s my biggest fear. The picture of you and your girl is adorable. I hope you find some peace.
That was beautiful…revenge scat and all!
This was heart wrenching.
Stupid ass cancer f*cking sucks. I’ve lost so many family members to it. I hate it. Your post made me cry. ((hugs)) to you.
I am so sorry.
It is becoming far too common. Thank you for spreading the word. Jay is awesome for doing this again this year.
So, so sorry about your friend. F*ck cancer. I’ve lost a few members of my family to it.
Thanks for letting us know about Jay’s fundraising.
Sometimes being an empath sucks rocks. I felt your pain when I read this and I only hope that hubby was home to give you a huge hug, a warm blankie and some amazing hot chocolate after you wrote this one. God bless you for sharing.
Wow, that was powerful. Wasn’t quite ready for it, but very glad to have read it. Cancer seems hard to escape these days. Maybe it’s cause i’m getting older. Thanks for sharing that story.
We lost my husband’s long time best friend and drummer in his band of 15 years to cancer last November. I have spent an inordinate amount of the last three months (including the last 10 minutes) crying, and even the mention of cancer makes me miss his loyalty, his long flying hair and his insane laughter.
I am sorry for your friend and I am sorry for you.
But nothing will get the floor pooping thing out of the minds and hearts of your readers. Hopefully, it is out of your carpet.
I’m so sorry for your loss, but if it’s any consolation, I really felt her presence and her absence in what you wrote, so you’ve done her life and your love justice here.
But don’t you dare push the pooping story into the shadows– she would have wanted it right out in the open where it belongs, like the rest of us do.
Except your mother-in-law, that is.
Wow, what a post. I got the goose pimplies reading it. Cancer sucks-don’t we all have someone we have lost to this vicious, equal opportunity bitch? She would have loved what heartfelt things you wrote from your heart….and she would have loved the poop story. Everyone I have told has loved it.
Bless your friend Jay for his unselfish act. It costs him nothing but a little hair and it is doing a world of good.
Peace out.
My mom died from cancer. 5 weeks from diagnosis to funeral. I hate cancer. My sibs and I all had shirts made up that say our feelings. Mine says Cancer Sucks. My sister’s says Hey Cancer, F You. My brother’s says Cancer Can Kiss My A$$. And they are all very true.
I’m so sorry. Does it ever get easier? I still have days when much of my sleeves are snot covered. But it does feel good to cry.
I lost my best friend to tongue cancer. WTF? Tongue cancer? She and I were inseparable from 5 yrs old. It still chokes me up as well. If I had a cake I would give it to you to make you feel better.
I donate my hair every 3-4 years to cancer fighters. Just because something ugly has decided to take up residence in your body, it doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to look beautiful while fighting it.
I figure it’s the least I can do after watching my grandmother fight cancer, not once but TWICE. Sadly she lost her battle 9 years ago, but I still miss her so very much. There are so many things that I wish I could ask her and moments that I wish I could share with her. I share your pain sweetheart.
What a beautiful picture of you and your friend, and I am sorry for your family’s loss.
Thanks for sharing….unfortunately you are right and cancer has touched most of us. It’s time for it to back the f off!
She was absolutely beautiful!
What a great post to make us all thankful for what we have.
okay totally crying…my niece had an mri yesterday and we are waiting for her results…she has a piluitary tumor..and are waiting to see if it is cancer…I pray it is not…she is only 12..and so beautiful and smart…I pray one day for a cure to cancer!!
Very nice, very tear producing, but meaningful for all the right reasons. Cancer does need to go. It has too affected my life all to much.
What a wonderful tribute to your best friend and your brother’s fiance. I almost lost my daughter (now 5) in a cancer “scare” (the tumor they removed from her tiny body was thankfully benign), and I have felt a similar pain.
I too am supporting Jay’s efforts over at Halftime Lessons. I love that all of us bloggers can work together for such a heartfelt cause.
That was soo sad to read. You never really know about people…..
Sorry for your loss and for everyone (including myslef) who have lost a loved one to this disease.
It’s time to stop it!
Wow – what a different kind of post to happen upon today at your scene. But I loved it and I felt it and it seems there’s a lot of that feeling stuff going around these days…
Beautifully written and right on for Jay…
“Insides shake.” That’s an incredible way to put it. My dad passed 5 years ago, when I was 21, and I still cry so hard that it feels like my heart is bashing around in my chest. I’m getting married in 3 months, and I don’t know how I can do it without him. Poor you, and poor your brother. Thank you for this post.
As hard as it was to write this post, and share her story, because really, this story is not mine, it’s hers, I have to say, it’s amazing to read what each of you has shared with me. Makes me tear up and want to hug you and have a night of feel good movies and wine. Mostly wine.
I hear ya, loud and clear. Enough.
Damn you for making me cry.
I’m doing the 3-Day Event Breast Cancer Walk in DC in October (60 miles!)… I’ve set up a new blog with a link to my donation page (http://dianespinkpage.blogspot.com) If you get a chance, come by… spread the word… whatever. I’m at about 50% of my fundraising goal (the required $2300) and every little bit helps!
My son battled leukemia for 9 years before he lost his battle 3 years ago.
Your friend was beautiful!
We lost a close friend to colon cancer two years ago. Last year my son joined St. Baldricks and raised $1000.00 in his honor. Usually, it is just the guys who get their heads shaved but at this event a woman went first. It is a very worthy cause.
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