Today I am 28.
My golden birthday.
I would love to find myself in a booth somewhere eating a whole lobster and downing Blue Moons. But, alas, that is not in the cards at this point.
But soon.
Very, very soon.
So today, in place of my yummy beer and lobster fest, I am having…umm…well, besides my kids leftover cold chicken fingers from the fridge for pre-breakfast, who knows.
I thought I would wake up to breakfast in bed and sonnets written in my name…and yet…nothing.
Lazy asses.
Sooo…I guess I will just sit here…alone…and wait to be surprised.
Did I mention I share my birthday with my mother in law?
I do.
If my husband gets her a better gift than me, I will totally be kicking him in the balls.
Because that’s the level of maturity I operate at on a daily basis.
Anyway.
28 years. What has 28 years gotten me?
Besides knocked up with a big ass?
Well, I think after 28 years, I know myself. I am not sitting here anymore questioning the universe, praying for guidance. I know what I want, and I now what I gotta do to get it.
I know I am the best accent imitator ever.
I am confident in the things I will never look sexy doing, like eating an ice cream cone in front of others, wearing a strapless bra, having a picture taken of my profile (hello double chin), going out in public with wet hair, wearing shorts, or trying to dance like the young people do.
I hate bugs, fake nails and cilantro.
I like crude 80′s movies and eating croutons from the bag.
Overall, good life.
Wishing I wasn’t so fucking close to 30 and able to spend the day tipsy without nipple leak liner things in my bra?
Sure.
But, a good life none the less.
{ 75 comments… read them below or add one }
← Previous Comments
LMAO. Happy Birthday to you. My favorite line was that you were going to totally kick your husband in the balls if he got his mother a better present than yours. Bwwaaaahahahaaaa…..
The Retirement Chronicles
Happy Birthday!
Happy 28th Birthday!! You are positively GLOWING!!
Er..wait…are you glowing or is that just sweat beading up on your forehead because you are nine months pregnant??
SOMEONE CRANK THE FREAKIN’ A/C FOR HER ALREADY, WILL YA?!?! Geez.
Happy Birthday, Hot Stuff!!
wait, do you really hate cilantro? i just dont get that. my husband hates it too. i fing love it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PREGGERS! you and i are the same age. now all we gotta do is birth on the same day. ready, set…..
Happy Birthday! I am sorry you share your birthday with your mother -in-law because it is a shame to have to share birthday attention with anyone else.
Happy birthday! I hope that you have that little girl as your birthday present!
Happy Bday–You’re 28 years young!
Happy Birthday! You are young! Enjoy…
Happy Happy Birthday, little mamma. I will eat a cake in your honor. Hope you pop the kid out sometime before midnight. Love ya!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY youngster!!!!!
Take it from a 41 year old man that does not look sexy doing anything…but I am happy, with kids and the worlds best woman. Beer and a bit of fooling around never hurts either. Until I need Viagra and a walker…I won’t complain.
First of all, I can’t believe you are 28. You are so young girl!!! And I also can’t believe you share a birthday with your MIL. Wow.
Have a wonderful bday.
Happy Birthday! Don’t worry, I’m having a drink for you!
I hate cilantro too, tastes like stinkbugs…
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I’ll trade you numbers I just turned 35.
Happy birthday, Ms. Foodie
I think for your golden birthday, you should have a golden shower! Wait…
Couldn’t you get tipsy off cake, or Chipotle or something?
28 ain’t nuthin, girlfriend. I just hit the (ahem) BIG (ahem) 4 (ahem) 0 this year. Now when I eat like I do, I see it on the scale and on my love handles…I don’t mind being (ahem) 40, I mind being (ahem) 40 and FAT!
Happy bday, girl!! And when is that baby due, anyway? You been preggers for-EVAH!
Happy Birthday, mama!!!!!!
The baby is totally done cooking, so feel free to have a glass of wine.
(Barefoot Hubby: Why are you drinking?
Brittany: Happy Hour Sue said I could.)
Happy Birthday!
OK. I keep coming back expecting to see a baby pic but am starting to think you are really not pregnant. Come on now…how long have you been pregnant???
Push that baby out and let’s see that girl!!
Happy birthday!
HAPPPPPPY Birthday! I can’t believe you are only 28. You bitch. ;-D
I’m writing this at 4:19 am because I can’t believe that I missed your birthday on your birthday ~ feel free to flog me later…
So, first of all, Happy frickin’ Birthday. And, my fave blog authoress, may I simply say, in all due love and respect… I’ll cry for ya next year if I find time… 30?!?!? you’re bemoaning nearing 30
I realized this birthday that I was two years shy of $) (sorry, that was 40 capitalized). Yeah, I said it, forty. Four-oh. I’m just playin’.
Honestly, I couldn’t care less minus the marking of a milestone mentally. Aside from noticing what age I’m turning, I’m always just thankful that I made it another year.
Happy Birthday, late! Yours is the same as my son’s. I was due on 4/20, and just really didn’t want him to be born that day, fearing it would brand him as a stoner for life. So, he stayed in an extra week. Fun.
Oh damn. I missed this. Sorry. Happy Belated Birthday. I’m an April Birthday myself, but I’ve got 4 years on you. And I spent my big day tipsy at the Britney Spears concert. I know, sheesh, it wasn’t my sixteenth birthday, right?! Hope you had a great day and your lazy family finally got up and spoiled you!
i had a sneaky suspicion you were a taurus! (said your fellow taurus)
I genuinely like your weblog really a lot
← Previous Comments