Ok, so you know when yo
……….
Um.
Sorry, I just blacked out.
30 Day Shred is kicking my ass.
I am starting with level 2, hoping to bump this whole charade to something more along the lines of a 15ish Day Shred.
But, it’s totally hard, and by the time I am done with the 20 minute workout, I can’t feel my arms and I smell like a rave.
But, I’m sorta in a hurry.
I just saw a super bad (fat) picture of me.
Super bad (fat).
Like Dom Delouise bad (fat).
I literally sobbed on the couch until my husband went up to the gas station and bought me a frozen cherry slushie.
Counterproductive? Probably.
But, it’s hard to see yourself look so…swollen (it’s a nice word for fat).
In all fairness, it was at a super bad angle, and my boobs were engorged as hell, but that doesn’t excuse my thighs, my arms or my chin(s).
Pfft.
Anyways, back to what I was saying before, you know when you hold up a pair of jeans, and you are all like, oh, these look huge, and then you try them on, and you can’t even get them up your thighs?
This? Happened to me yesterday.
Which led to more crying.
And more cherry slushie.
And, I know I just had a baby 5 weeks ago, and it’s not out of the ordinary for me to be the size of a small country at this point, but, sob, I still hate it all the same.
My body is older this time around, and this third pregnancy may just do me in, things just don’t have that feeling of…bouncing back.
It’s like a sleeping bag. The first pregnancy, my body was like a brand new sleeping bag, one of those bad ass ones that cost a bunch because you could totally take it with you to climb Everest, even though you only use it for drunken tent camping at the local KOA. Anyways, so you have a kid, and even though the sleeping bag is got kinda dirty, and you spilled beer on it, it still totally rolls up all neat and fits in the bag. But by the third kid? The thing smells like cat piss and campfire, and it’s so lumpy and misshapen, it doesn’t even roll up anymore, so you just stuff the thing in a ratty ass garbage bag.
My boobies are way cute though.
This is my body.
Good for beer drinking and pie eating contests.
Bad for bikinis.
But, for totally good reason.
P.S. I love shiny awards and irony, so if this post wasn’t depressing enough, go here and vote for me for funniest blog!
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Woman,
You’ve had three kids and still look HAWT, have a kick ass blog, a hubby who worships you AND you give away vibrators.
Being skinny is overrated. Plus, an OB/GYN told me that guys like girls a little heavy cause it makes their pusswa’s tighter. Do you really want to be skinny and have a loose pusswa??? Nah!! I don’t think so….
Who even needs a bikini when you have that sweet baby girl???
Bikinis are stupid.
I just spent a few minutes going through you last few posts (new follower). I had to comment because I can totally relate, except for the fact that my newborn is now 7 months and I’m still somewhat working off the lbs…and I’m totally jealous because my boobies not looking hot anymore….
Jillian is kicking my ass as well but it’s mostly my fault because I only do it once a week and still working on level 1….but my little girl was worth it too and I’d gladly do it all over again.
I hope you win funniest blog…looks like you are so far
. You totally crack me up cuz you hit the nail right on the head every single time! I can so relate to the “really huge pants”…I picked up a pair (was looking for mine in a pile of clothes on the bedroom floor) and I tossed them aside cuz I thought they were my husbands. HOLY CRAP they were MINE! talk about depressing!
Awww, man. I sooooo get this whole thing.
2 years later, I still weight the same!! So, unfortunately, you do sorta have to just work it off. So you go girl. I’ll watch from here, and hey, if it works for you, maybe I’ll give it a shot. But you go first
)
I am a newer reader here! LOVE IT! I totally feel your pain. I have a 7 week old boy who was almost 9 lbs at birth, he is my second and I hate all my clothes for not fitting.
I totally sympathize. My fourth did me in. Or maybe it was my third. I got pregnant five months after no.3 so they were almost like one big long pregnancy.
P.S. congrats on that beautiful baby girl!
(((hugs)))
p.s. Cherry Slurpee’s cure everything, didn’t ya know?
What your body is going through is just a natural, beautiful part of being a woman, blah, blah, blah. I always hated it when my childless, skinny ass friends would try to lay that shit on me. Pop out some babies, and THEN we can talk! I still have about three months to go, and I’m already thinking about all the working out I want to do after baby (but I think you and I both know, I’ll do none of it!) I’m glad your chi chi’s are at least cooperating. Just remember to show off those assets!
BWAHAHAHAHAAA
I haz a 2 year old. Does that count? No? DAMN.
Girl, you’re killin’ in the awards. You are SMASHING them!! YAY
That picture makes me all tingly and happy mommy and stuff and your hair.. GAWGEOUS>… I’m starting 2 tomorrow and I am frightened…
<3
From one jacked up sleeping bag to another…you’ll be okay. Baby #4 messed me up big time.
Oh Yeah! This was so me after my third pregnancy/fourth child (I had twins the first time around). I get so damn confused about it at this point. But annnywaaay… I completely freaked out one day- maybe two – after I got home from the hospital cause I thought there was something on my back and when I turned around to look in the mirror, I found these rolls – honest to God rolls of fat on my back.
The husband thought he had to commit me right then and there cause I immediately went for the carving knife, thinking in my postpartum moment of disillusion, that I could just “cut it off”.
My life further sunk into nothingness when I found I couldn’t even fit back into my maternity jeans.
It took me a month before I left the house again.
Good reason for sure! And who cares when you have such great hair? ; )
Hi, very nice post. I have been wonder’n bout this issue,so thanks for posting
I totally get that feeling (and I don’t have the newborn to blame!) The only pants that look cute on a hanger are single digits and that pisses me off! I have often thought “this is a 10?? It looks huge” only to have to drag my fat ass back to the rack and grab the 12!
I went to the doc last week and found out that my home scale that I knew was a piece of shit was 10 lbs off- and not in the good direction- FUCK!
my third just turned 10 (years) and you reminded me i left a block of chocolate behind the harddrive…oh the joys thankyou
Hey! So I’m a newcomer and I’m currently in the process of reading every post on your blog… I just wanted to say you’re amazing and hilarious and deserve ALL the awards and I am absolutely jealous of your hair!!
And that precious little girl is most definitely worth everything!
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