I am confused about the stigma men have concerning vasectomies.
I mean, I get that any instance in which their junk is manhandled in a non sexual context is unpleasant, but, I get my junk handled all the time, sometimes by doctors, sometimes by clumsy medical students, sometimes by nosey dogs on the street.
Am I any less of a woman for it?
No. I take it in stride.
Because, sometimes, you junk needs medical (or canine) attention.
In fact, I have thrice left pieces of my inside girly junk on a birthing table somewhere in Toledo, but do I hide my head in shame?
No.
I man up and try not to itch the stitches.
And now? It’s July. We all know what happens in July, and it almost always ends with my feet in stirrups and sore nipples.
So, Andy and I had the talk, the one where he tells me we are done giving birth to things. And, because of my distaste for modern medicine, and his distaste for latex, it was decided we need to take a surgical approach to this whole, ceasing to procreate, thing.
Thus, began a rampant game of not it.
And, the fact is, the destruction of my girl bits is…intense. And invasive. And would require him to be the sole caregiver to three very small, very demanding children while I healed from the comfort of my bed, chasing my percocet with Bloody Marys and Twilight books ( I know! Someone come punch me in the face.). So, the responsibility fell to him.
After a few awkward minutes of squeamish grimaces and girlish whimpers…he was in.
Reluctantly.
And, I know you don’t believe me, babe, when I tell you what you are doing is sexy, but trust me, taking a bullet for me is sexy. Sacrificing your super mega sperm is sexy. And, knowing I can jump you three ways to Tuesday without worrying about my ass getting bigger from birth control pills, or having to fumble with a condom like we did in the back of your 1988 civic hatch back is even sexier.
So now, we celebrate the vas deferens.
Steak, shrimp, blow jobs, all night raids on WoW. This week is his week.
Come week’s end, however, we celebrate with frozen peas and jock support.
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Love your blog. Must say it’s awesome.
I think this must be my favourite blog entry of the day. Brilliant.
Oh, I really adore your blog. We’re moving to Columbus and I’m hoping to find a sassy friend like you in the vast wilderness of Ohio. Good luck to your husband–he’s great for doing this! (But, then, you’re great for bearing his children, rearing them, and being a general domestic goddess…)
Before any children were around my wonderful husband said no way, never ever to getting snipped. He lucked out and I had two c-sections with a tubal chaser.
Around the Toledo area too, BTW. Bay Park & St. Lukes for my babes. Loved the steak and lobster dinner on my final night at St. Lukes!
MINe went to the consultation appointment for his big V and guess what they did? THEY TOUCHED HIS WIENER! Can you imagine? I was like did they stick their hand up it? Well then.
Needless to say the pussy never went back. I am on my third iud and cant say enough how awesome it is. no thinking involved. Sometimes during fun but RARELY it pokes the hubster as if to say “big v baby”
My hubs surprised me when we talked of not having anymore when I was pregnant with The chicken. I told him if he was serious he could offer up his manhood to the knife and take matters into his own hands. He did and without a second thought. In fact he got it done before I had The chicken because of his ship’s schedule. It has been great not worrying about it
muchWe all have freak outs no matter what when you are nearly 4 wks late.Can’t wait to see you next week!
Can I ask a weird question of you all? I love the pill for reasons that have nothing to do with birth control–many fewer/lighter cramps, light periods, clearer skin, etc. If they ever try to take it away from me, I will go kicking and screaming. So what’s with the “which one of us has surgery” debate? Is it about the 100% certainty? Or do you have to go off the pill after certain age? Call me naive, but I’m kind of baffled by this debate every time I encounter it.
Took my husband two years. TWO YEARS! And then I heard about it for another two. Men are such wusses.
I think after pushing three kids out of your hoochie, your husband has absolutely no say in whether its him or you that gets snipped. Most definitely, it’s his turn to experience some bodily pain due to procreation (or prevention of). I think you have done your part, and thus your parts deserve a rest.
I absolutely made my Hubby take one for the team! Every man should have to experience having their feet in stirrups.
Make sure your husband takes it a bit easy afterwords though. Bruising and elephantitis of the balls can occur. Trust me.
Good for you hun!
Your lady bits have gone through enough. If he backs out, I volunteer to go over to your house and hold him down while you perform the surgery yourself!
Let me know…
OH yeah! Congrats!
Because girl, you’ve DONE your part! It’s totally his turn.
Lucky bitch. I myself am on the birth control til menopause route, because, condoms are for pussies (uh, pun most definitely unintended). Hey, at least I’ll have clear skin, right?
I have to say, you do make a good case for vasectomies, but only if everyone got the same kind of treatment in that traumatic week/week after. I’m not sure I could guarantee it, so I’ll have to remain undecided over here.
I think the biggest argument against birth control pills, for everyone involved, is the reduced libido. But mostly I wish they could just sneak in there during the last childbirth –when all dignity is already out the window and all the parts are fully in view of it– and just go snip snip right in the actual baby-making zone. Seems more reliable to me, but then that could just be because I’m a huge whining baby.
Mine still refuses to get the big V. He’s all, “Do you know what they DO?” Um. Yes. It’s why I want you to GET it.
I had a vasectomy a few years ago. I was like any other male when it came to someone messing with me down there, but i must say it was nothing like i feared it would be. I was in and out of the office in about an hour maybe less. On the pain scale of 1-10 i’d give it a 3 and that was from the numbing shot he puts in the loose skin of the sac not the actual balls. I felt a prick form the needle, it went numb, and before I knew it he was done.
So guys there’s nothing to fear. I’m so glad I got it done because now I don’t have to wear condoms and she has no pills to take. Agghhhh!!!! What a relief!
How the heck did you get him to agree to posting it??? I STILL couldn’t convince my hubby to let me take on his poison ivy. Wow, you must be AWESOME in the sack!
Very funny. It is really not that big a deal. Hell after our 2nd I offered. I have only so much patience and when they say it now costs $291K per kids to raise them to 18 well hell let me start cutting. Hope it all went well. LOL
I’ll talk to him if you want.
I got the snip when my youngest was just shy of a year old (we waited to make sure she was healthy etc…).
It was one of the best things that I could have done for our family.
I’m not a fan of rubbers, and my wife was told that having any more would be dangerous for her. So, it was left to me, because the surgery is so much less invasive.
I was out of the hospital less than two hours after I arrived. I ook the Tylenol III that they gave me, and then we went to Target. I walked a little slow that day and a little the next, but that was it. Didn’t need any ice, didn’t whine about it like some freakin’ pansy. Just got it done.
Oh, and I shaved myself… turns out to have been an interesting experience. Better to do it myself rather than have the nurse do it, which would have been all sorts of embarrasing, because she was hot.
Wanna hear something really bad? I’m on my second Mirena IUD and sixth year of being 100% period free. I can’t imagine having a period again, and since I’m never going to not have an IUD, what’s the point of my partner getting the big V? It’s the same reason I don’t want to get my tubes tied. Such a spoiled bitch I am.
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