I am confused about the stigma men have concerning vasectomies.
I mean, I get that any instance in which their junk is manhandled in a non sexual context is unpleasant, but, I get my junk handled all the time, sometimes by doctors, sometimes by clumsy medical students, sometimes by nosey dogs on the street.
Am I any less of a woman for it?
No. I take it in stride.
Because, sometimes, you junk needs medical (or canine) attention.
In fact, I have thrice left pieces of my inside girly junk on a birthing table somewhere in Toledo, but do I hide my head in shame?
No.
I man up and try not to itch the stitches.
And now? It’s July. We all know what happens in July, and it almost always ends with my feet in stirrups and sore nipples.
So, Andy and I had the talk, the one where he tells me we are done giving birth to things. And, because of my distaste for modern medicine, and his distaste for latex, it was decided we need to take a surgical approach to this whole, ceasing to procreate, thing.
Thus, began a rampant game of not it.
And, the fact is, the destruction of my girl bits is…intense. And invasive. And would require him to be the sole caregiver to three very small, very demanding children while I healed from the comfort of my bed, chasing my percocet with Bloody Marys and Twilight books ( I know! Someone come punch me in the face.). So, the responsibility fell to him.
After a few awkward minutes of squeamish grimaces and girlish whimpers…he was in.
Reluctantly.
And, I know you don’t believe me, babe, when I tell you what you are doing is sexy, but trust me, taking a bullet for me is sexy. Sacrificing your super mega sperm is sexy. And, knowing I can jump you three ways to Tuesday without worrying about my ass getting bigger from birth control pills, or having to fumble with a condom like we did in the back of your 1988 civic hatch back is even sexier.
So now, we celebrate the vas deferens.
Steak, shrimp, blow jobs, all night raids on WoW. This week is his week.
Come week’s end, however, we celebrate with frozen peas and jock support.
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OMG further evidence of our sisterhood.
My husband played WoW for three years. He actually just quit three months ago.
I’m the one with a vasectomy problem at our house. I’m not ready to rule out a third. (LIKEATHIRDWITHAVAGINAFORINSTANCE.)
This is a hilarious post. I agree wholeheartedly. Your lady bits have suffered enough and its time the dude man up and take one in the box – surgically of course.
Tell him you’ll shave him, it might make for a fun night!
Men are such pussies. I’ve been trying to talk mine into the big V for 2 years.
Yay for the manly men! My hubby has agreed to the big snip…but he..uh…for some reason hasn’t made an appointment yet. He says he’s waiting to see if he gets laid off, because why take time off work if he doesn’t have to, right? MmmHmm.
Yes, this was hilarious. And I agree. We’re not done having kids yet, but the husband already happily volunteered to have his manly-bits sacrificed when this is all over. He’s seen me gutted like a fish on an OR table with our first baby, and ripped from clit-to-anus with a 10 lb-er shooting out the second time around, so he believes I have done my part, and then some (and then some more.)
And if he didn’t… well… I might have to perform my own little vasectomy on him while he slept. *wink*
Looks like I’m the only guy to comment here. First, let me say, your writing is just fantastic…very funny stuff. Secondly, I’m on the fence here. Don’t they say that it’s beneficial for a woman to have the hysterectomy? IDK, that’s just what I’ve heard. But hey, if my lovely wife (who’s pregnant btw with our second child – 12 years apart…I know, what were we thinking) thinks it’s sexy, I’m down wit that!
I’m so glad my insurance plan covers vasectomies…JR is up next!
So glad you were allowed to post this! We can all direct our hubbies over here … “see, he did it honey!”. Mine doesn’t know he’s getting one yet.
We aren’t done having the babies yet, but when we are, there’s 2 options…he can go in and have it done by a professional…or I can do it with my scrapbooking scissors.
You can make anything funny. Hope your hubs handles is well!
Someone will correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure there is a REALLY BIG difference between a tubal ligation(sp?) and a hysterectomy. And that it would be hard to get a hysterectomy done without a medical reason.
But. I’m under the influence of schnapps and nyquil.
Mine got snipped after our last baby (also named Gigi, BTW). But if you want to make him feel better, you could go get endometrial ablation (like NovaSure) as an extra precaution. I did. And then as a bonus you’ll have like 2 or 3 day tiny periods and its a win-win for everyone.
My friend is coming into town so I’ve been going thru your site for recipes. I may fuck them up, but barefoot foodie grub is going to be the main source of sustenance for the next few days. Wish me luck.
After our 4th I sent him to the hospital (and back) by himself to get er done. I supplied frozen peas, and then told him to get the hell off the couch after 24 hours- Jesus Christ, I was doing laundry within 24 hours of having each kid. Whiner.
I hear it’s not that big of a deal. And really, it’s his turn. Just make sure not to jump him until he has his stuff checked out like 10 times to be certain there are no live swimmers left!
Dear Matthew – NO it is NOT usually beneficial for a woman to have a hysterectomy, and in fact it can damage her health tremendously. The same doctors “selling” hysterectomies are also the ones inducing women and causing them cesareans so they can pad their wallets and make their golf games on time.
Besides that, female sterilization rarely includes a hysterectomy. She can simply have her tubes tied – still surgery, and still much more complicated and involved than a little laser snip-snip in the johnson area.
Mine would have never manned up and and done it (is that a word, manned?). So when I had my second I had ALL of girly bits removed but one ovary. Oh yes I did. They were in there anyway so whats the difference? Right? Um yeah. Except that there was TONS of bleeding. TONS. I had to have two blood transfusions. But now that is all over I’m glad I did it. No more periods totally rock.
My friend got me hooked on you!
If he backs out, I did the happy medium and got an IUD, the copper one with no hormones(so it just blocks the little dudes). My husband and I have two kids. Don’t want anymore but we are only in our twenties. It was a great alternative and I haven’t had any issues with it. Good luck!
i find it amazing that women push a human being out of their private parts and are expected to get up and at ‘em almost immediately, while men (or maybe just the men i know) get a little snip in what in an outpatient procedure and whine about it for months and milk it as much as they can. I am PMS-ing, can you tell?
um yea… you know my story… October can’t get here soon enough! (same boat as you… lol except we are working around a busy “man” schedule and a busy urologist)
I made my husband witness how up in my parts the doctors got with our first and so far only pregnancy. I think that when/if the time comes for the big v he’ll do it just to avoid having to witness the violation I went through. Not out of sweetness for me mind you, just having his junk cut would be preferable to enduring his discomfort of watching another pregnancy.
All night raids on WoW and blow jobs? You’re really going the extra mile there to ensure he gets it done. I hate WoW, especially the all night raids.
I feel like I should be doing a hooray for the vas deferens dance.
I can’t believe you gave in to the Twilight books, sigh.
Yay for him! I remember when my brother had his last year. He actually posted a picture of a sad penis on our mutual blog – with the title, “My vas deferens hurt!” He rocks.
I’m still trying to convince the husband to get snipped…
too bad they don’t make those big plastic cone things (that dogs wear to keep from gnawing on themselves) for guys going through the snip… one of each hand (paw)!
Hysterical! you are very funny! My husband finally did it…then because he went first, a few neighborhood friends got up the courage… One came back and said “Dude– you never told me about the rubber band,,,you really should have told me about the rubber band!” LOL …. funny!
Oh good lord I am trying to talk my husband into this. He claims he doesn’t want to be a steer. What a cop out!
We have three kids and I got my tubes tied with the last one but I am so scared of that teeny tiny percentage that I could get knocked up again. I guess that would show his ass for being such a baby.
If I told my husband he’d get steak, shrimp, blow jobs, all night raids on WoW (substitute Call of Duty on the xBox) he’d probably pass out from euphoria. For us though, I’ve had my uterus cut open twice and three kids pulled out, so I win the invasive-surgery-for-the-sake-of-our-family conversation for sure. For now though, the Mirena, a 5 year option, gives us time to contemplate a third a while longer. (you know the Paraguard is a 10 year option, right?) And like Maria, I’m angling for kid with a vagina next time.
I wonder if your hubby and my hubby had the same scare? My husband kept saying that I should get fixed. Um, No. I’ve been responsible for birth control for the past 19 years . Every. Single. Day. Oh, and a pregnancy and c-section with twins. I think I win the gold star for taking one for the team. He dragged his feet for a few months, and then I scared him into it by asking him to pick me up a pregnancy test on the way home from work one day. He picked up the test AND called for an appointment that day.
I think Twilight books are a completely fucking legitimate form of therapy, alright? And if they’re not, how do you explain the last week of my life?
Having married a doc, I’m lucky I don’t have to push for medical intervention, like ever. But I am concerned that he’s going to be all like “it’s not that painful, babe. Women do it every day” when I finally shit out a kid.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE have your husband call my husband.
And I will totally punch you in the face for Twilight books, if you will return the favor. (I totally plowed through Eclipse today. On to Breaking Dawn!)
My hubby came with with a vasectomy so I missed all that good stuff.
congrats on winning that one!
lol Love it, my husband had one 3 years ago and let me tell ya, no latex intervening is heaven. Just don’t let him pick up one of the kids esp while sitting down. My hubby did that and he pulled a muscle in his groin b/c of the way he was trying to do it without trying to hurt himself. It was the best decision and best thing (next to having our kid) that we did. It’s nice not to have to stop in the midst of passion or to make sure you have something. Oh and I’ve known men to heal up within 3 days and then all they had to do was wait for the ok from the Dr to have sex and all was good.
We just had this EXACT SAME conversation at 4 a.m.!
And as soon as I get my period, which is 8 1/2 weeks late, I’m getting an IUD. He’s all for the snipping, but I’m just not sure if I’m completely finished… {dumbass, I know}
Way to go! You’ve subjected your lady parts to enough misery…his contribution has always been the fun part!
BTW, punch me in the face, too — I just stayed up WAY late to finish book 2 on the Twilight walk of shame and bloodshot eyes. I swear, I’m starting to resemble the bastards – pale skin, dark rings around my eyes…
Hubby would go for it now if I didn’t want another one. I did agree once we have another baby he can get it done during the 6 weeks postpartum that we can’t have sex anyways. May as well abstain at the same time.
My husband had his vasectomy last March. After watching me pushing two babies out of my wahoo he had finally came to the acceptance that he was ok doing this.
So he made the appointment at a place called “The Gentle Vasectomy”. The doctor invited me in to watch. My husband was ok with me watching. I like to joke and tell people I wanted to make sure he didn’t chicken out.
He lived with ice on his junk for a good week and finally stopped complaining about his balls hurting about a month later but he to this day tells people that it wasn’t too bad and he would do it again if he had to.
I’m just glad he has stopped complaining about his balls…how annoying is that! ~laugh~
Sarah
My husband had the ‘ole snip snip done 6 years ago. Best thing he ever did for our sex life…besides the vibrator, of course.
What they don’t tell you going into this is that men are expected to perform like robotic rabbits until all the remains are out of their systems. Then, and only then, is the procedure effective. Also fun is carrying a sample in to the doctor’s office for testing while having your sister in the car. The whole “what’s that” is an awkward question to answer, because carrying a bottle of man-juice isn’t awkward enough.
Seriously. Women squeeze something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a lemon multiple times and men complain about a little snip snip? That’s just bullshit.
My husband will tell you it is the best $35.00 he has ever spent. He went in 2 weeks after our second child was born. He sat on ice for 3 days and went back to work with no problem! It has been 7 years with no BC and we are baby free (knock on wood)
had my tubes tied during a scheduled c-section….. the doctor leaned over me right before tying them and asked me, for the nine zillionth time, “ARE YOU SURE?’
yes!!! yes i am sure.
Boys are such babies when it comes to scalpels & stitches. If it were up to them to squeeze out the wee ones- we would be a dead planet.
I ended up having a tubal. GUH. It was awful. Let the dude get snipped.
That said, sexy times without worry of pregnancy? So. Much. Fun.
Congratulations to him being the strong man and sucking it up! Hope everything goes well and he enjoys his week of manly time!
LMAO
poor baby. hahaha. right.
… i really thought you were going to say one more
Oh for the love of Pete. It is sooooooo easy for them. The husband had it done in the doctor’s office. No hospital stay. 15 minutes, tops. Done. They gave him two Valium (which was hilarious because I’ve never seen him high – in any way, shape, or form – and he was higher than a kite, if I may use that trite expression) he went in, got a local, 15 minutes later he came out, and it was done! Sheesh. They make it sound so horrible.
And you’re absolutely right, the freedom from worry is PHENOMENAL!!
Good times ahead my friend, good times!
You are so hilarious. And this is why and I, and more than 75% of your readers, have girly bloggy crushes on you. We can not help ourselves.
In the interest of science, though, I do have to tell you (but don’t let dear hubby see this) that there is a very non invasive procedure now that I am talking to my doctor about on the 22nd. It is called Essure. I think I want it. http://www.essure.com/
Brit, just offer to kiss it till it’s better. ’nuff said ;0)
You just found a way to make Laef consider it down the road. WoW for a solid week makes his world go ’round and he’ll do just about anything for that.
Thanks!
My husband, who acts as if he has CANCER but is also a complete martyr when he has the common cold (“Oh no! I’m fine! Don’t worry about me while you live your life while I’m dying!), sucked it up and got the job done!! And he was great about it. Other than ruining a few perfectly good bags of frozen peas (no one wanted to eat the dick peas), he took it like a …..WOMAN.
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