Do you smell that?
Pencils, markers, highlighters, boxes of crayons, glue, notebooks, folders…
Want to have sex with me?
Walk me through the aisles of Office Max.
And then buy me curly fries from Arbys.
The smell of office supplies? Orgasmic.
It started young.
Back to school season was tough for me when I was little. I was…gulp…the fat girl.
Ok, maybe not the fat girl, I mean, there were other fat girls, but I was a touch narcissistic in elementary school about my own fattness. So, yeah, me? The fat girl.
Clothes shopping was a panic attack for me. Stirrup pants and scrunchy socks did nothing for my legs. Shoulder pads turned me into a linebacker. It was just…rough. To the max.
But, school supplies?
They always fit. They were always pretty. I didn’t need to buy Lisa Frank in husky. My trapper keeper didn’t ride up.
Protractor.
Did you say protractor?
I just came in my pants.
Yeah. It’s like that.
And now, my oldest is off to pre-school. I carry his supply list around in my purse like a bible…only it’s sticky…like porn. A sticky porn bible.
He needs glue sticks, and crayons, and folders with characters on them, and construction paper and boxes and boxes of kleenex.
I spent 53 minutes in Office Max, running my fingers over the boxes of staples and cold metal rulers.
I left with 4 glue sticks. A 24 count box of crayons. A Lightning McQueen folder. And a package of licorice for the little men on the drive home.
But, the Wite-Out?
The Wite-Out is for me.
Tonight.
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You just walk into Office Max/Office Depot/Staples and you can smell it. I love office/school supplies. I buy them even though I don’t use/need them anymore.
Pencils? Yes please, and, oh, some pens too. And oh, the notebooks.
I love office supply catalogs. Nothing makes me happier than being in charge of office supplies.
You mean…there’s a whole group of other people who get their knickers wet over office supplies?!?!?! I THOUGHT I WAS ALONE!!! *insert cries of happiness* oh man, I’m normal! I’m normal! no wait…ok I’m still not normal but at least I know I’m not alone.
If my other half ever walked into the room buck naked, I’d get so turned on. But if he came into the room buck naked WITH a pack of pens and a notepad…..I’d have come before he hit the bed. Oh baby, let’s play office. Rawr.
My oldest starts pre-school in a week as well. I haven’t started shopping yet but I always enjoyed shopping for school supplies….
Sugarplum starts first grade this year, and yet I have seen no school supply list. Why even bother having kids if they don’t give you a school supply list?
I have always been hot for school supplies. Why do you think I became a a teacher? It’s all about the boxes of pens, baby…
how sexy.. protractors…
Bouquets of sharpened pencils! This post reminded me of You’ve Got Mail. My wife and I watch it every fall.
You know I was the fat girl. I played soccer and they had to ‘special order’ shorts for my big ole thighs. No lie.
My fave was always the markers. I die for a fresh set of markers. *swoon*
I’m right there with you–there’s nothing in the world like crayon smell! And sharpened pencil smell!
I’ll meet you at Office Max for a 3-some.
Yup, suppies are pretty much the best part about school. They might even overshadow the ass clenching murder that is starting school. I always loved the erasers. Purple and teal please.
Hell mah-fuckin yeah. Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper. I feel you girl. I feel you.
Holy shit, me too. It’s kind of insane considering I didn’t actually like school. Just beautiful, empty notebooks and brand new Pilot Rollerballs.
This is yet another reason you and my wife would get along so well. You could have some kind of orgy on a pallet of notebooks in the middle of an aisle at OfficeStaplesMaxDepot. You’d never get the black-and-white speckled assprints out.
She recently guest posted about this love on my blog, but not nearly so graphically. Now that you mention it, I HAVE noticed she tends to linger a bit lasciviously over the machine when she sharpens all the new pencils…
I ventured into walmart about like, I don’t know, a week before school started, and there was the BIG GIANT rows of wonderfully “organized” School Supplies, I hate walmart, but hell! their stuff is SUPER cheap. Markers for 88 Cents!!! HELL YES! I was sitting there seriously debating mentally with myself and trying to justify why I need a protractor, and pencil erasers, and 9876525498492616496 packages of paper and as many notebooks as I can fit in the cart.
I, too, was The fat girl in school…..I remember all too well, and it sucked…
My wife and you would get along so well. For her, the Officemax/staples/office depot catalog is like porn. She asks for Gift cards to staples for Christmas.
And I thought it was just me who has a love for books and pens and other goodies.
I love the smell and feel of a new writing book.
It gives me cold shivers.
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