I am over MySpace.
I never use it anymore.
I now default to Facebook for my need to spy on the lives of others and pass judgment on ugly babies and closeted gay husbands.
Plus, the emo blog posts and grainy cell phone pictures of my half naked teenage cousin remind me, I am way to old for MySpace.
I am pretty sure I hit the age where my milkshake stops bringing boys to the yard. In fact, it’s less of a milkshake, and more like one of those yucky Ensure shakes old people drink to stimulate bowel movements. You know, the things they call a shake, but is totally just thick flavored old people milk.
Ok, I have to stop talking about it.
I’m getting all gaggy.
Regardless. I want out.
But, it turns out, MySpace? Impossible to quit.
It’s like the Taliban.
Or that stupid gym I joined that won’t refund my money even though I won’t go because they deliberately make me feel fat, plus they stopped serving everything bagels.
Oh! Or that stupid BMG Music club thing…my mom is still pissed the 12 Salt N Pepa and Spin Doctors cassettes I got for 99 cents went on to ruin her credit rating.
I keep trying to quit, but to do that, you need to confirm the I fucking quit this shit link they email you. But, the email they have on file for me is no longer in service, as in, along with MySpace, I have also outgrown my bustygurl81@hotmail.com email address, and it is now rendered inactive. So, I can’t check it. Ever.
So, I tried to change my email, but to do that, you need to confirm your new email address in your old email account.
WHICH MAKES PERFECT SENSE OMG YOU ARE ALL ASSHOLES.
So, I emailed them to ask them to change it, and they were like, dude, we will totally change it, just confirm this here link in your old email address, and your new one will then be active.
I KNOW! I AM FUCKING JABBING MY EYES WITH HOT POKERS, TOO.
And, I was like, listen, I can’t access my old email anymore, is there anyway around this, I really want to close my account, can you please just do that for me?
And MySpace was all, quit!? Why would we make it easier for you to quit? We need to keep our numbers high, and bodies are bodies, even if you have removed your entire profile and are merely just a faceless box with a status message that says “MySpace can eat my balls.”
And that? Pissed me off.
I mean, I have the freedom to lie about my politcal views and post photoshopped pictures of myself on any social networking site I want, and if I want to stop doing that, I should totally be allowed to.
So, I emailed them back and was like, Ok MySpace, you win. I am totally staying, but can you maybe tell me how I can use all your new features to make my profile more appealing to underage children, specifically minorities and children who don’t speak english but look like they like to party?
And then, they must have sensed the urgency of my previous emails, and passed them onto that MySpace Tom guy or something, because they canceled my account, like, 10 minutes later.
Thank God.
I am a mother of three, and I can’t spend an entire afternoon fighting with MySpace.
Plus, there was an Ace of Cakes marathon on, and I can concentrate on petty shit when I need to take my underwear off to watch cake shows all day.
Obviously.
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{ 59 comments… read them below or add one }
“old people milk”
Dammit I love you.
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I never cancelled my account- does that mean I’m going to get shot in the face or something?
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I’m going through the same crap right now. I told them I shouldn’t have to take a picture of myself holding up a piece of paper like a prisoner just to get their attention and do they even read these emails?!
I’m going to use your line about underage non-English speaking children who like to party to see if it works for me. Down with MySpace.
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barefootfoodie Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
I REFUSED to do the salute thing. REFUSED. Brittany 1 MySapce 0.
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Oh, HAHAHAHA! Brilliant:)
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I just checked.. it was deleted overnight. They didn’t like my prisoner sass!
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myspace is totally ghetto now. I, too, have been trying to quit. I, too, have an inactive hotmail account. so i just don’t go there anymore and pretend it no longer exists. assholes.
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Watch your back, there is no quitting, they may come to find you, just like gangs.
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Wait. You’re part of the Taliban?
How the fuck did I not know that before?
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barefootfoodie Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Oooohhhhhhh sweetie. I love you, but I am pretty sure you just fucked me TSA style, and I will NEVER get through an airport un-cavity searched AGAIN!
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Thick old people milk totally had me gaggy. But I have to give serious props on the pedo-manuever. That was totally inspired.
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barefootfoodie Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
When all else fails, pedophilia.
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I tried it, too. A friend of mine said, “MySpace is like shopping at an abandoned mall.” Totally.
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barefootfoodie Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
This is so true! It feels just like that. Unsafe. Gang ridden. And I wouldn’t eat anything from the janky food court.
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IzzyMom Reply:
November 16th, 2009 at 11:12 am
It’s like shopping at an ALMOST abandoned mall where the real stores have left and all the remaining stores are owned by people who don’t speak English and they’re selling totally gaudy, cheaply made shit that really belongs at the flea market.
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OMG! That is totally the case with me! I tried to change my email address along time ago but you couldn’t do it without confirming and the confirmation went to the old email that I don’t have now!!!
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–>I think they take their cue from AOL and trying to cancel and account. Do people still use AOL anymore? Probably because quitting them is easier than kicking a drug addiction.
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barefootfoodie Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Myspace is totally the new AOL.
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I think I lasted a whopping 17 minutes on MySpace until I realize I was too old and too scared to pictures of my kids’ friends hizzling the fashizzle.
I haven’t canceled my account, because I keep it on there so my kids know I am there… oh wait, maybe I am the Mafia!
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Now that I know that’s what it takes to quit MySpace I’m doing it! Thank you for the pointer, cause sexually propositioning Tom with naked photos of my CURRENT body still weren’t doing the trick. So Tom can’t be real, because those pics would make any person with any scintilla of eyesight want to rinse their eyeballs in Clorox.
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barefootfoodie Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Yes. You are doing it wrong. You need to sexually proposition children. You’re welcome.
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Looooved the last shot you used to attempt a better profile. Hot. Bet they knew about that one. With all the lawsuits they are facing. GOOD JOB!
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LOVE IT.
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OMG I am doing the same thing right now!!!!!!!!! WHat the hell?! I have been emailing them like crazy, did their salute thing, everything! What they hell did you do? seriously- email me.
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barefootfoodie Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Seriously, I threatened to have sex with children. And apparently? MySpace loves children.
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you lost me at old people milk.. GAG…
And congrats on quitting them. Myspace stopped being good years ago,
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I canceled my Myspace account a few weeks ago since I hadn’t used it in over a year. It’s really just old news. I don’t think of it as social networking anymore, it’s more like a really bad website that follows you around.
So I deleted. WHEW.
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Hmmm. I wonder if I should cancel my myspace account. I foret that I’ve got it.
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Oh myspace, you’re so 5 years ago.
I keep forgetting I even have it. Or that it’s even a place I use to frequent. I kind of giggle (or laugh in people’s faces) everytime I hear people reference their Myspace accounts.
And congrats, on finally succeeding on quitting that douchebag Tom
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Do you wonder if we will all say this about facebook? FB is still cool right? RIGHT??I am young and hip RIGHT no wait i am old and hippy that right nevermind. And yeah old milk was kinda gaggy but awesome!
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barefootfoodie Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Dude, Facebook is totally cool. Right? RIGHT?!
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Aaaaaaah. Just what I needed, a daily does of “I just threw up in my mouth a little” HA!. Ensure. Genius. That’s you.
Myspace. Bla. I quit that shit years ago. BUT, I remember how ridiculously hard it was to shut down the account. You have to clike 8 links that say “Are you SUUUUURE?” Um no, I just drunk-clicked all those other times and now that I’m sober, I would NEVER leave Myspace, yourspace, or anyspace for that matter!
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Well fucking shit. Myspace is an assbag.
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Holy Fuckballs! THE BMG MUSIC THING!!!!!!!!! I did that too and it F’d my entire life up for like 10 years!
P.S. MySpace SUCKS.
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barefootfoodie Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
YES. BMG is a gigantic ASS BAG.
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OMG, genius! So clearly the solution to get out of annoying crap is to fake being a total creep. Brilliant.
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I have been thinking about canceling my account too, but Tom frightens me.
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You’re making me all hawt for old people milk now….ffs THANK YOU! pfft. I never even got on the MySpace train, after all by the time my ignorant ass clocked on to social networking everybody was all ”omfg you are totally going to Facebook since MySpace is for Looooosers”
I’m so glad you got your account cancelled, I mean you are just way to fucking cool for that crap xx
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Girl… our milkshakes still bring the boys to the yard, but when they get there? be sure and say Salt ‘n PEPA. Got your back.
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barefootfoodie Reply:
November 12th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Fuck. Noted. I am OLD.
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I have never done My Space, yet am having a hard time getting into Facebook. I am getting a lot of invitation to “garden”, enter into a “Mafia War”, “accept a HEART”, and “accept illegal transaction records”. Really? Sounds…unappealing.
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Te he he he he…
I freakin’ love you! And MySpace is for wierdos. Although, I own a fake account with a fake name and a fake picture so that I can spy on the weirdos that work here and apply for jobs.
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barefootfoodie Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
SEE! This is the only reason I was sad to give it up.
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Hmmmm I should try that, because I too need to send in a
‘prisoner style’ photo to get rid of my unused account. I do kinda miss stalking people on there though, many more public profiles than on FB (where everyone seems to lock up all the good stuff).
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barefootfoodie Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
See, I did not do the prison shot. I REFUSED.
You hear that, MySpace? REFUSED.
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Thank goodness I read your blog, because now I know I’m not the only one who feels the need to drop her panties whenever Duff is on tv.
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OMG you are hilarious. I laugh at every single post you write.
You are comic genius. Really.
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barefootfoodie Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
How much will it cost to get you to follow me around all day?
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Thick, flavored old people milk … you are KILLING ME.
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Things just shouldn’t be that hard. Or annoying. Or time consuming. I hate “social networking.” (That’s actually a lie. I talk shit about it incessantly, but I’m a voyeur on the inside…)
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Stop with the Ensure bashing already! That shit is delicious! I don’t care what you say!
I never had a MySpace account. Always thought that was for tweens and pedophiles. When my brother told me he was on MySpace and not Facebook, I trolled the internet to see if he was on a sex offender list.
From now on, if I ever need to cancel any of my accounts I am totally using that!
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barefootfoodie Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Listen lady. I take it back. If Ensure makes me look like YOU, then I will take it, because you are ridic hot!
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My stupid gym stopped selling bagels, all of them. NO BAGELS AT ALL! Carb-hating mother fuckers.
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barefootfoodie Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
No bagels? What’s the point of going to the gym?
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Nona Reply:
November 14th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Exactly. That’s why I stopped going there and keep giving them my money every month. You know, to protest. I’m sure showing them, huh?
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so…since you figured it out…you’re gonna go ahead and take care of my account too right?
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barefootfoodie Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Do you mind me making you sound like a sex offender to anonymous myspace people?
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That’s hilarious because I JUST did the same thing. MySpace is lame. Facebook is where all the cool kids hang out now. (Allegedly.)
And just so you know, you are seriously one of my very favorite bloggers EVER. As soon as you post, I zip past everyone else to read yours. And then I regret it because I pee myself from laughing so hard, lol. So THANK YOU!
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barefootfoodie Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Hey guess what? I LOVE YOU!
Are we friends on Facebook? Say yes.
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you know how when you’re sick with the barfs, but you have to eat, so you eat food that you know won’t taste totally awful on the way back up?
Ensure is not that food. Learn from my experience.
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barefootfoodie Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Ummm…..so when I come see you in LA, we need real milkshakes, because they are just as nutritious.
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I don’t use myspace anymore either…facebook rules!!
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I HATE MySpace. I can’t get out of there either. Fucking balls, man. Loving the Facebook. Hating the old people milk. Nast. You make me laugh, lady. Thanks for that. Laughing is good.
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Facebook is so much better
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brilliant!
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Sooooo…self portraits of my “model face” in the bathroom mirror with my bra on are no longer appropriate now that I’m 30 and a mother of three?
Damn.
NOW how am I going to find a boyfriend!?!
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barefootfoodie Reply:
November 13th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Oh no, you can totally do that shit on Facebook, I mean, that’s what farm town is for, yes?
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Ok… I am your newest follower and am commenting today… laughing out loud … I totally decided about a year ago to ban the Myspace thing… Facebook is so much more sophisticated and me, being a 36 yr old mom of 3, ya know, I am totally all about sophistication, so I tried ending it w/ Myspace and ran into the same damn problem you had.. old email… PIA people at Myspace. Finally I was able to get someone to help and now I am non existent over there… Nice to meet you!
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OMG! I have tried to delete my Myspace page so many times! They say you will get a confirmation email and I never get it. They totally don’t want me to delete my page as I’m sure so many people are trying to do. I think they are trying to avoid the fact that they are losing out to facebook!
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Myspace was fun at first. My hubby said I just use that and FB to “spy” on people. It is like a virtual high school reunion, how fun! My email attached to my Myspace also does not exist anymore so I can never update it or cancel my account. Oh well! Hubby deleted his last week for the same reason, he says he never uses it. Thanks for the advice on how to get them to cancel your account.
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You are hillarious! I tried MySpace once and didn’t like it at all. But do you think the MySpace Mafia will find you and one day you’ll wake up with a dead horse head in your bed?
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