So, in case you are not keeping track, I spent the weekend moving from here…
Our beloved Gilmore Girls House. One tiny, little boy pee covered bathroom. Lots and lots of spiders and old man next door who stole my paper and wore shorts so little his balls hung out the bottom.
To here…
New Mayberry house with more than one bathroom and no spiders or wrinkly old man testes, but has one huge ass pond full of Native American zombies.
Moving has made me come to realize a few things.
1. I am never moving again. I think I’ve said this 900 times over the past 4 days. You could make a drinking game with how often I’ve said that this weekend.
2. Moving shows you who your friends are, because even though people call themselves your friends, they won’t come help you move even though you bribe them with beer and three bags of those tiny marshmallows you found in the cupboard of your old house after a short lived hot chocolate phase you went through to make people think that the steamy stuff in your thermos was coffee, because you are super mature and worldly. No. People are busy doing so called important things like shopping for Christmas and burying dead grandmothers.
3. Moving to a new house is like a New Year resolution. There is no food in it. So, I go to the store to stock my new fridge that isn’t sticky with kool aid and spilled duck sauce, and I am all, ok, this new shiny house means we are only going to eat cute and healthy foods, like the people in magazines do. So, I buy bananas, and oranges, and cottage cheese, and super grainy breads, and pretzels with out salt on them…and next thing I know, I am curled up in the corner licking pretzel rods and dumping sea salt on them as I wait for the pizza guy to get here, because I am fucking starving and there is nothing good to eat in this house.
4. There is no easy way to move your sex drawer when your parents are helping you move.
5. I clearly need a personal assistant, so when I yell things like, get me my Diet Pepsi and brown sugar Pop Tarts, or where the hell did I pack all my striped tube socks or my eating sweatpants, Andy doesn’t flip me off when he thinks I am not looking. I fucking see you, Andy.
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It’s much more embarrassing to leave your sex drawer open and tell your family to just leave their coats in the bedroom. Ruh-Roh.
And good LAWD, woman. What DOES your husband do.
Can I have him?
The house is flippin gorgeous. Or I meant massive.
Actually both.
I will totally come organize your kitchen and unpack for you. I get a sick thrill out of that stuff. You so want me for a neighbor don’t you.
You already know the answer to this.
OMG that DOES look like the Gilmore house and I am infinitely jealous. Has it been sold!? I will buy it right now! =) Your new house is beautiful! And I’m so happy you don’t have to share a bathroom with a bunch of toilet-missing-peeing boys!
Such a huge place… no wonder you need a personal assistant.
I feel the same way about knowing who your friends are. Of course, if you moved as many times as you said you would never move again, you would quickly run out of friends (If any friend helped me move, they never did the next time– go figure).
Now to the task of finding where everything is packed…
Congrats on your gorgeous new home! Just recently was turned on to your blog and I can’t/shouldn’t read your words at work – I laugh way too loud!
There IS something worse than your parents finding your goodie drawer…try having your teenage sons find your goodie drawer. Yeah, they think their mom is some kind of freak!
You are gonna LOVE having more than 1 little boy pee covered bathroom – trust me on this!!
So yeah, in hindsight, I am realizing that more than one bathroom means they just pee on more stuff. Soooo….this didn’t really work out as well as it did in my head.
I totally get this. I have the en-suite, and the powder room. No way the little boy or girl can spoil this…..so wrong. So very very wrong. Sigh. He bloody well pees on everything….I swear it is a curse. Sigh.
I’m so jealous of multiple bathrooms and I only have my husband… so I have a husband pee covered bathroom…
Wow, gorgeous gorgeous new house. Congrats!
And I hear ya with the pizza. OH god, only fruits and vegetables in here.. where are the take out menus?
A friend (no, really) told me that when she moved out of her house and into a duplex she had to leave her enormous bed and headboard behind because it wouldn’t fit into the new digs. It was one of those mammoth-entire-wall-unit-including-drawers-and-shelves deelybobs. So she wasn’t completely finished moving and the new owners had the keys so they could move in. She went back to gather the rest of her things and entered the bedroom where the new owners had placed each and everyone of her ‘toys’ displayed neatly across the headboard. GAH! When she told me that I died a little bit of the embarrassment of it all!
Plus… they had handled everything. Ew. Time to take a trip to Cirilla’s for some new goodies!
Holy shit.
That is the most embarrassing story ever.
And I have to say, if I were to stumble across a stash of sex toys, the last thing I would do is line them up WITH MY HANDS across the top of the headboard.
You never know when something has been in someone’s butt.
The house looks gorgeous! Should I start taking bets how long that’ll last with three kids? My house made it about 8 seconds – which wouldn’t be bad if they were bull riding.
shit I clearly have to move to your state for the good houses.
Please, I just moved in Feb and have to move again ASAP. With 3 kids.
I want to die.
Congrats on the new place! I’m totally jealous with my 1.25 bath (cause the half should only count as a quarter) house and there’s only 3 of us currently crammed in it.
We moved 3 times in 6 months when we first got married. Yeah, there’s reason my goodie drawer is also strategicly my undie drawer and things can be slyly wrapped in undies I never wear.
OMG I reek of jealousy. Positively reek of it. In fact, my dog just left the room. I want that house! Sigh. My husband needs a job.
Congrats. You deserve it and you’re going to be super happy in it. And if you DO have a housewarming party, well, you know…
Hehehehehe!
I’ve decided that along with Sex and the City, red wine, the occasional smoke, buttercream frosting, and shitty reality TV, YOU are my latest guilty pleasure.
I simply cannot help myself. And I kind of want to marry you.
OMG, can I just say, I am pretty much the best wife ever. I love to cook, I haven’t had PMS since July 2008, and I have seen every episode of MASH.
loving the new house! And I totally could have been bribed with tiny marshmallows!
The new house is BEAUTIFUL!!! Wow. I’m *jealous*.
But not jealous of the moving part of it. I *hate* moving. I’ve been living in the same house for about 8 years, and I *still* have boxes that haven’t been unpacked. Maybe I should just torch the suckers.
My theory on that is: if you hven’t used it in 8 years, unless it’s a family heirloom or photo albums or something, you don’t need it. Give it to Goodwill. Then you’ll have room for all new junk.
You’re hilarious. :]
OMG, no cable until THURSDAY?! What are you supposed to do with all those Native American zombies? READ?!
Your new house is awesome!
#3 & #4 should be a manual unto their own.
Moving sucks.
I have to apologize for leaving this comment. I’m sorry because this is comment number 70, which means before me there were 69 comments, and obviously 69 is the best possible number of comments. Unless one of them is from your mom, ’cause then, ew.
I should also apologize because I don’t really have anything to say. I feel your pain, and am now curious what is in your sex drawer, but otherwise this comment is basically just a means to fuck up your perfect 69 comments with a pretty useless comment number 70. And who the fuck needs that?
So, sorry.
Congrats Brittany!
BTW: If I lived in the neighborhood, I would have helped you move. Coulda brought the old wheelbarrow and hauled a bunch o’ stuff. OK, at the very least, I would brought the wheelbarrow and made your hubby move stuff while you and I watched. But that’ still helping, right?
Seriously, congratulations!
Your new house is SO nice. Yes, that’s me being jealous. And I agree — moving is for the birds.
The first time I ever moved after getting married was incredibly awkward. Several people from the conservative Christian school I worked at came to help,(which was incredibly sweet of them, especially since my husband was out of town). I had my brother in law stash the supplies from my “sex drawer” including all my new lingerie in his car for the duration of the move. Not ideal, especially when he asked why I owned condoms after being married. But better than my colleagues asking why I owned Cosmo’s guide to red hot sex.
Congratulations!! The new house is beautiful! Good for you guys. I hope the cable guy comes early today and you have done a reality shop and found your eating sweatpants!
That’s your new house? Whore. Oh, and the pee thing? That NEVER goes away.
I love your old Gilmore house! But I also love your new house! It is just beautiful! Oh, and numbers 3 and 4 cracked me up!
OMG you and the hubby have a sex drawer? I just can’t see it, or is it that I don’t want to imagine it? HMMMM
effing GORGEOUS. I am insanely jealous.
You weren’t kidding when you said you lived in the Gilmore House!
I do love the new one though…so pretty and new looking. I, myself, live in a house with “character”…and would trade it for a shiny new one in a second. Not sure what we were thinking when we purchased a 100+ year old home, and then put enough money into upgrades and complete reno’s….when we could just as easily bought a new-ish home with no word needed :-/ Opps
I hate to tell you this, but you will still have little boy pee all over your many toilets.
And moving does totally suck, about as painful as childbirth but lasting much longer. And there’s no house moving epidural.
First of all, mazel tov, and second of all–does this mean your husband got another job? Or is this blogging thing paying big bucks.
I’m nosy and I want to know.
Moving sucks the big ones but that house is NICE girl. Enjoy it. And your pizza! : )
Congratulations on your new home (which is FABULOUS, by the way!)…Yes, it is funny that your friends disappear when you are needing them to help you move. Can YOU help it if it is the 16th move in 8 months>???? NO, hell no.
Slackers!!!!
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