Comments on: Two things bug me: smug people and the fact that Diane Keaton insists on wearing gloves to award shows in the middle of summer.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 18:10:51 +0000

Can I take Brittany’s spot???

By: MJ

MJ — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 22:36:13 +0000

I pride myself on the fact that my kids generally look homeless when we are out in public. Screw those perfectly coordinated little smocked clothes wearing asshats with their matching socks and bows. And their mothers. My kids inevitably have goo on their faces from their last snack, snotty noses because, well, my yoga pants don’t have pockets and my bra is too full of stretched out mommy ex-fun-bags to stuff tissue in there. On top of that, my daughter refuses to wear ANYTHING I pick out, and she prefers to coordinate her outfits based on the day’s panties. So if she puts on the pink panties with the blue and brown cupcakes with red cherries on them, she’ll end up with brown and pink flowered leggings and a red shirt that has a blue tag. Because, MOM, (insert roll of the four-year-old eyes) it totally matches. Oh and did I mention she has funky cow-licks in her hair and screams and runs when I brush it. So I keep it short and let it go mostly unbrushed. A win-win. And my son likes rain boots. And pajamas. Together at all times of the day and regardless of the weather. And other than school days, I sooooooo don’t care. So we go to Target like that regularly. And when people give me that “you are a pathetic excuse of a mother” as they push their little perfect asshat children around in their cart, I give them a pitying look back because surely they can’t be FUN moms if they spend that much time and energy on stupid shit like matching clothes and hair brushes. Surely they don’t have random rainy day unbirthday parties with cake and tickle fests and spontaneous disco parties in the living room and pillow fights and turn the living room into a camp site with tents made of bed sheets and real rocks and sticks for the pretend camp fire. Surely. Some day their little mini-asshats will put them in a home in their coordinated robes, slippers and head scarves and ignore them. And mine will be tickling me and spoon feeding me chocolate cake at a random unbirthday party in a tent in the living room.

Or so I tell myself.

By: Sadie at heymamas

Sadie at heymamas — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 21:46:21 +0000

That sucks. I know a few Moms who have three or four kids and are super skinny. Bitches. Some women are just made like that. My hips haven’t gone back to my boyish shape since I had my two girls, nine and six years ago!

Take it light, Moms are supposed to be squishy.

Sadie at heymamas

By: Jenn

Jenn — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 19:07:04 +0000

Really loving this post. I would have punched her too! three of my best friends have 4 kids each and are about size 2′s each. I would like to kill them but the last time I checked murder was illegal though if I got a female overweight judge I just might get off…

By: Mary @ Holy Mackerel

Mary @ Holy Mackerel — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 21:55:13 +0000

We’re also done reproducing, which makes me very sad. But also, I know that there is no way in hell or heaven that I could bake another baby. And I know that if I could, my husband would probably go crazy. Obviously, we’re too old in every sense of the word.

It still makes me sad, though.

By: Mountain Momma

Mountain Momma — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 19:21:51 +0000

I would have sent her evil thoughts with my Jedi stare. She totally deserved it. Don’t worry, she’ll be fat after this one pops out. It’s only fair.

By: Littlemissenglishteacher

Littlemissenglishteacher — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 07:45:28 +0000

Um, seriously? Who is skinny when they are pregnant? It sure as hell isn’t me …

I would have wanted to punch her in the stomach too. Oh, and I bet she’s one of those women that don’t get stretch marks either … like my freak of nature SIL. Punk.

By: Aria'z Ink

Aria'z Ink — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 04:59:09 +0000

Skinny pregnant women are scary. They are obviously genetically altered mutants sent to Earth to make real people moms feel bad. Death to skinny pregnant mutant bitches!

By: Tiruba

Tiruba — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 04:33:57 +0000

If it is any consolation, the mere fact of adopting 3 older children caused me to gain 25 pounds during my “pregnancies”. Might not sound like much but keep in mind that there were no 7.5 pound babies + 10 pounds of gushy shit in there that comes shooting out like a rocket on game day (yeah, I know there is more to it than that but I really enjoy the rocket visual). Anyhoo, instead of the usual places of pregnancy weight, I got 25 pounds of muffin top and double chin (I like to refer to my second chin as the “new twin”). I’m just trying to figure out a way to bring double chins and muffin tops in style. I consider myself a trendsetter.

By: Jen

Jen — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 19:37:05 +0000

I’m kicking you out of my club for NOT punching her in the stomach. What a hooker.