Andy!
What?
I just took my bra off in bed. You didn’t even roll over. When you were 18 you would have been all over me.
That was over 10 years ago. I know what boobies look like now.
Like they’re made of professional women’s basketball? Because you’re not even a little bit excited right now.
You always take your bra off in bed. You toss it towards the end of the mattress so I wake up with it tangled around my ankles. But, you know what, I actually am excited. Excited you threw it on the floor this time so I don’t wake up like David Carradine. It’s like I need a safe word to sleep.
Wow.
I’m just tired. I’ve been up for over 20 hours helping to get the boat in the water. I’m too exhausted to be excited.
I even shaved, and it took 30 minutes because Jude flushed the toilet three times, and the water turned freezing cold, and all my leg hair regrew, so I had to shave twice.
Is that why you have the baby pads stuck to your legs?
I’m assuming you mean pantyliners, because babies don’t menstruate, that’s gross. And, shaving over goosebumps is hard, Andy, band aids were too small to stop the blood.
Ah, ok, well rain check. Tomorrow when the kids nap. I gotta get some sleep.
Whatever. My legs will be all stubbly by then.
*passive aggressive roll over and pillow fluff*
You smell like chicken nuggets
The boys had happy meals for dinner, I ate one. Plus, my elbow feels sticky. Probably sweet and sour sauce.
Ahhh.
Yup.
Mmmm…do you still wanna mess around?
Oh my God I hate you.
{ 83 comments… read them below or add one }
← Previous Comments
I am seriously surprised at the amount of people who can’t just laugh at this, and admit that sometimes, after years of sleeping in the same bed and suggesting sex to one another countless times, conversations like this happen. Seriously. And then both people laugh, and might even get it on. (Maybe not- he did sound tired.)
Anyway, I found this a charming reflection of how silly we can be in our marriages. And I loved it.
Yay for awkward (and sometimes unsuccessful) ploys for sex!
(and, I know shaving isn’t a big deal, but either is putting on cologne, and I swear my husband is confused whenever he puts on cologne and we don’t go at it like teenagers.)
She isn’t kidding about shaving over goosebumps. And we all know how much shaving cuts bleed…
you made my day…I haven’t smile in days…
This is awesome. It’s like me and my hubby In a nutshell!
This is classic married life. You learn to laugh at the chicken nugget cologne and stubble. I loved it!
So before I started reading your site, I “stumbledupon” this, and I read it to my husband (also named Andy) because I thought it was HYSTERICAL (and totally true).
WHY did nobody tell me how freaking hilarious you were before, like, 3 weeks ago?!
You know just perpetuating these stereotypes about couples makes people think when they get stuck here that it’s normal when it’s quite not. Maybe you should’ve looked harder for your husband before you got knocked up
Todd you are an asshole.
And maybe you should have looked harder for your sensitivity before you chose to make your self like a complete douche.
XD I love it! haha
and yet some how, I am looking forward to marriage >_<
Hahahahahahahahahaha, I love it!
DUDE! WTF about this brought every troll in sight??? I thought it was hilarious. Which, I think is why you wrote it, no?
Insane, right!?!?!?!?
I can’t wait to get married and have conversations like this! No seriously. Because any guy I marry will have to put up with my eating M&Ms in bed, leaving my bra on the couch, and quoting every line from Anchor Man… in bed.
Screw the trolls! You’re hilarious!
1. I love that I still get the comments for this post, because they’re all hilarious.
2. Except for that Todd guy, I didn’t notice any trolls before, for some reason, so when I saw Amy’s comment above, I had to look.
3. I wonder if a single one of the trolls is married, because marriage DEFINITELY works just like this.
4. If I take the time to shave, I better be getting laid. End of story.
Is it bad that I’m 23 and my boyfriend (yeah, we’re not even married yet) 26, I already feel like we’re at this point I suggest it and he’s the one saying he’s too tired. But 4 1/2 years ago I show even a little skin and he was all over it. But this made me laugh.
I found this using stumble upon. This is great, made me laugh. I’m 23 and my boyfriend and I live together and I feel like this is us a lot of nights already.
← Previous Comments
{ 1 trackback }