An Aside...

Since then, if you have had any interaction on any form of social media, you have seen a virtual cluster fuck of outcry at this decision, and a mountain of furious opinions coming in from both sides.

And now, I’m going to elaborate on mine…kinda.

See what I'm thinkin...

A New Year.

December 30, 2011

Last year, I spent New Year’s Eve in a hospital bed watching Ryan Seacrest’s ball drop on a teeny tiny television. I think it was Ryan Seacrest. It may have been an old episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, I don’t know, I was on a lot of drugs. This year, knock on wood, will [...]

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Couches.

December 27, 2011

I consider anything over $100 out of my mental capacity to purchase alone. Computers, cars, houses, couches. There is this man in a short sleeved buttoned up shirt, the kind of shirt guys wear who never have to wear button up shirts, until they are suddenly faced with the need to buy something to wear [...]

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Why Getting a Great Dane is Not the Worst Idea Ever.

December 20, 2011

People like to give advice.  Namely, their advice.  Which, in their opinion, is the best and most accurate of all the advices. Getting married, having kids, getting a vasectomy…all things people use as a way to talk about themselves to you, like you are a moron. Nothing changes when you get married, you know.  This [...]

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Bags of Goodies. Not Vomit. Maybe.

December 16, 2011

Ever thrown up in car line before? Let me paint the picture for you. You take your kid to school in the morning, perfectly healthy, heck, you even look a little cute.  I don’t know why, the rats in your hair are laying just right, perhaps?  Or maybe the zit you’ve been putting toothpaste on [...]

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The eye roll.

December 13, 2011

Jude started rolling his eyes at me. Not the cutesy, roll your eyes on command OMG LET’S TAKE A PICTURE BECAUSE THAT WAS ADORABLE, YOU SHOULD HAVE YOUR OWN DISNEY SHOW thing. Like, the real kind, where I say something and his response is an eye roll and some long winded exhale, leaving me standing [...]

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Assumptions are for Assholes.

December 8, 2011

Midnight grocery trips have become a weekly treat for me.  The kids are asleep, so I sneak out and let Andy hold the fort down.  I listen to music without kazoos, I get to put my purse in the baby seat area of the cart, the store is basically deserted, and I don’t have to [...]

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Crate Training…ok fine.

December 5, 2011

So, we’ve got a couple things going on here. I have not been able to sleep, for absolutely no fault of my own. Apparently the whole Goblin King thing only works for babies.  Not puppies or husbands. First, as it turns out, puppies are exactly like newborns, with the the small exception that I am [...]

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Naked Parenting.

December 1, 2011

Yesterday, Jude asked me why my stomach was so big. First of all, mental note right there to stop being naked in front of the kids. Second, does anyone else hate how kids are totally allowed to be dicks because they just don’t fucking know any better? Third, big compared to what? Because he drew [...]

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The Story of the Dane.

November 28, 2011

So, we didn’t just wake up one day and say, hey…let’s go buy the absolute largest dog in the world! In fact, once we started popping babies out, we became largely anti-pet.  Not because we disliked them, but it was purely survival instinct. What is the maximum amount of needy living things that we can [...]

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And baby makes…OH MY GOD.

November 21, 2011

By the time I had Gigi, it was clear Andy and I felt collectively done. Complete. No more. Not even a twinge. I would be passed snugly newborn babies, and hand them back, unfazed. I didn’t fantasize about baby giggles or first smiles.  Instead I saw sleepless nights and hemorrhoids. I need another hemorrhoid like [...]

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